The Artist and the Hunter 14

    "No way under earth, Holly." The dirty dwarf tried to shut his hovel door in the elf's face, "and don't try to coerce me by using that 'you'll get to go to the surface' excuse. You know I hate the sun."
Holly caught the door with her right foot, forcing it open again with her knee. "Please, Mulch? I need an-- errand run aboveground, but I can't go until I need to perform the Ritual!"
"Then get rid of your magic faster, numskull!" he replied, pushing on the door again. Holly grunted as the course wood pushed through her civilian pants.
"I can't!" she grunted, "Gah! --you're lucky I don't have my buzz baton-- Trouble's watching me like a hawk! One wrong move-- and he'll suspend me!"
Mulch released his grip on the door and looked at his friend, the suspicion ebbing from his brown eyes. He sighed heavily, the thick hairs of his beard buzzing in the breeze. "That makes two of us, hotshot."
    Since Trouble became Commander about a year ago, crime rate had dropped exponentially, but at a cost. Commander Kelp was extremely hard on his officers, and doubly so on the convicts. Mulch, being the middleman, got the best of both worlds; Kelp's high expectations as an LEP consultant, and his eternal distrust as a "former" criminal.
"So what's this about anyway?" Mulch asked after letting Holly in, sitting on a mound of dirt which served as a chair. Holly opted to stand.
"I need some top secret information sent to Artemis to analyze," she replied. "Trouble doesn't think it's important, but if I don't get this to Artemis soon so he can work on a cure, I fear it will be too late."
"Too late? Too late for what?" Mulch leaned forward.
"It's a disease," Holly said hesitantly, "and if it isn't stopped, it will become a plague."
Mulch threw his hands in the air and sat back in his dirt mound. "Why is it that every time you and the Mud Boy decide to save the world, you drag me into it? I mean, why can't I be terrified and in the dark like the rest of the fairies for once?"
Holly grinned slyly. "Oh, come on, Mulch! You know you'd get yourself mixed up in it somehow, or feel left out if you didn't."
Mulch shrugged, but the elf knew she was gaining ground. "Please? I'll talk to Trouble about getting off your back, and I'm sure Artemis will give you all the Mud People food you can eat."
Mulch pretended to consider for a moment, stroking his beard and looking into the middle distance. Then he gave Holly a sideways glance and grinned. "Make the second offer a guarantee, and I'm in."

    Victoria rolled out of bed at 7:40 on Sunday morning, though her alarm had gone off at 7:00. The twins had called the night before reminding her they were picking her up for church at eight that day. Getting dressed, brushed, and make-up on in record speed, she ran barefoot down the stairs to the kitchen to grab a bagel and coffee to go. When she arrived, Butler was baking what seemed to be a buffet of dishes.
"Wow, is the country of Wales coming over for brunch?" she asked, pouring creamer into her Hoops and Yoyo thermos.
Butler sighed as if he wished that were the case, but said simply in his low bass, "No."
    Artemis came in next, placing his own mug in the sink. Victoria assumed that was not something he would normally do, so he was probably just checking on Butler's strange cooking assignment. Then he turned and, noticing Victoria's dark purple blouse, light make-up, and pea-coat slung over one arm, commented, "My family does not attend morning Mass, and even if we did you would not be required to attend. Or do you have another appointment this morning?"
Victoria suddenly became very preoccupied with stirring her coffee. "I-- you don't?-- Oh, I'm going to church with some friends. They're picking me up in a couple minutes, and I should be back around 1:30."
"That's very bold of you," Artemis crossed his arms, his eyebrows arched to show his annoyance, "to not ask an employer's permission before leaving one's commission."
She blanched. "It was late when I received the call. I didn't want to wake Mrs. Angeline, and I thought it would be all right--"
"It is all right, Miss Bering." Butler looked up from filleting a steak. "Artemis is a bit touchy in the mornings, is all."
Victoria grinned, glad to have an ally in Artemis's attack. "Oh." She gave the genius a small smile as she snapped the lid on her thermos. "Good to know."
A line appeared between Artemis's eyebrows as he glared at his butler, and Victoria tried not to laugh at the sudden turn of the tables. A buzzing sound broke the tense silence.
"That would be my ride," she announced, checking her vibrating cell phone and pulling on her coat. She pushed Artemis's shoulder lightly as she passed by. "See you in a bit."
    Artemis watched her go, only slightly miffed, then turned to Butler. "Really, Domovoi," he grumbled, "you shouldn't encourage her."
"With all of the torment you put her through, Artemis," Butler smiled, "she deserves a confidence boost once in a while."
Artemis harrumphed. "Well, her absence this morning is for the best. Juliet, mother, and the monsters are going to meet father at around eleven, and if Miss Bering comes back when she says she is, Mulch should be here and gone before she returns."
"Come now, Artemis," Butler grinned, flipping an omelet, "you know it's never that easy."

    Of course, Artemis's bad karma caught up to him again. Soon after his family left to fetch Artemis Fowl Sr., it began to snow heavily. This was good; it would delay their return. However, the snow did not prohibit Victoria, who arrived at the compound at half past eleven, and Mulch was still gorging himself in the kitchen and could not be prevailed upon to leave.
    When they arrived, Artemis reluctantly allowed Jenna and Joseph's Audi A6 through the gates and went to the door to stall his houseguest. Drawing the the window curtains back about four inches, Artemis watched as Victoria and her friends got out of their small four-door. The male twin-- Joseph, wasn't it?-- exited in a bit of a hurry from the driver's side out to open the door for Victoria, who appeared to be putting on her coat. He aided her by taking her purse and Bible. She climbed out, and the female twin followed her, but Joseph didn't even acknowledge his sibling. He just looked at Victoria with a puppy-dog longing on his face.
    Artemis rolled his eyes. He had suspected the first moment he met the tall Irishman, but this confirmed it. Joseph was attracted to the redheaded foreigner. Artemis was secretly impressed and puzzled; he did not think Victoria was capable of attracting a male so aesthetically superior to her. Then he pursed his lips, ashamed of the thought. She was not as ugly as he made her out to be. She was actually pleasant to look at, though she wasn't conventionally pretty. He shook his head of the distracting thoughts and went back to the scene unfolding on the front lot.
Victoria seemed unaware of the tall man's affinity for her, directing her attention evenly between her two friends. Finally, she took a step toward the manor, obviously wanting to get out of the cold. She gestured toward the house in invitation, and Artemis's stomach fell, but the twins shook their heads. As they said their good-byes in the foot-deep snow, Joseph embraced Victoria and talked secretively with her, touching her face with his hand. Artemis frowned. Was she romantically involved with the tall twin? He hadn't gathered as much during their last visit, but one can't make assumptions. His long fingers curled a bit more around the crimson curtains. Even so, he reassured himself, every moment the twins-- or, twin-- kept Victoria distracted, the more time Mulch was not in danger of being discovered. This was a good thing... so why did Artemis feel like he was sacrificing something, allowing his mother's employee to be held by another man? The nagging feeling in his chest returned, but he was distracted from it, for Victoria politely broke the hug, and was heading for the manor steps. Artemis released the curtain and straightened his jacket as the artist reached the doorbell.
    Artemis unbolted and opened the large double doors for her, and she burst into the lobby, shivering.
"Man, it is snowing out there!" She shrugged off her coat and hung it on a stand next to the door. Artemis noticed that her collar folded back for a moment, her top button was undone, exposing her pale skin. She had a small mole on her collarbone.
Artemis blinked twice, trying to clear his head. Just because that idiot from Kerry thought she was attractive didn't mean he had to become hyper aware of her.
"They let us out of church early because of the snow," she was explaining. "The pastor didn't want us to be stuck there, so we didn't have worship service today."
"Ah, shame," Artemis said, looking pointedly away from her, watching the snow melt off of her peacoat.
"So," Victoria raised an eyebrow at her host. "How long have you been at the window?"
Artemis flicked his gaze back to her, trying not to look surprised. She was more observant than he thought.
He shrugged. "I was waiting for you. The door is locked, so after I buzzed you in, I came down to open it for you."
"Isn't that usually Butler's job?" Victoria asked, taking her thermos from her bag and inspecting her purse to see if it had leaked.
Artemis thought for a short moment. "Butler is entertaining a private guest. I thought it best not to disturb him."
"Oh," her eyes widened, visibly surprised. "That's-- very nice of you."
"Well, I may be self-righteous and arrogant, but I'm not evil," Artemis commented as she walked by. Then he realized that she'd walked by. "Where are you headed?" he asked, taking broader steps to cross in front of her.
"The kitchen. I have to clean out this thermos before it gets the chance to mold."
Artemis growled under his breath. Of course, out of all the rooms in the house-- he could tell her that was where Butler and his guest were, but then she would ask why, and he couldn't very well tell her it was because it was one of the few windowless rooms in the house. That would only invoke more questions which would be harder to explain away. So, he decided to play the chivalry card. "Here, I'll take it for you. Besides, you've lost enough work-time already."
Victoria eyed him curiously, and Artemis tried to look innocently back, though such an expression did not come naturally to him. He was also finding himself noticing Victoria's more alluring aspects, which he imagined Joseph realized right away. For example, the way her bangs set off her eyes, or her straight nose and strong cheekbones. The make-up didn't help his concentration any, highlighting her alert eyes and covering her usual flustered redness and splattering of acne. The genius mentally kicked himself. It was only hormones and adrenaline. Focus!
"I don't trust you," she said slowly, trying to navigate around him.
"He likes you, you know." Artemis blurted, then stopped, surprised at himself. Victoria looked startled too.
"Who?" She asked. At least he had her full attention now.
"The Joseph boy," Artemis continued. "Surely, you've noticed."
The redhead frowned, blushing furiously through her foundation. "I-- he doesn't-- like me. We're friends."
"Please, Victoria," he said, becoming annoyed. He hated it when people avoided the obvious. "You can't have not noticed. Whenever you are with them, he barely gives his sister a second glance. He's courteous, yes, and thoughtful, but I'll wager he's not as considerate to his other acquaintances."
Victoria clutched her thermos till with knuckles went white. "You-- you know nothing!"
But Artemis was on a roll. He would make her see reason. Make her accept it. "He and his sister are out of sync more often now, aren't they? Their personalities are pulling apart, and they aren't together as much when you're around. He's purposefully separating himself, so that you see him as a man, and not just part of a matched set."
She gritted her teeth, spitting out, "Stop it. You're lying, stop it!"
"Admit it!" Artemis retorted. "You've caught him looking at you when you glance up suddenly. He opens every door for you, and goes out of his way to buy you little trinkets that you mention you like in passing. Whenever you phone him, he picks up on the first ring. How can you not recognize this evidence?"
Victoria just stared at him now, fighting the truth in his words, while simultaneously realizing that he might be right.
"Of course you realize it. It's too obvious for even you to ignore." He took a step toward her, and his prey took two steps back. "Do you really assume that ignoring his feelings will go away? He's a Irishman, and will feel obligated to reveal his affections. What will you do then?"
Victoria continued to stare, her eyes brimming with the venom of his words, and Artemis, as the adrenaline ebbed, felt a sharp pain in his chest and wondered vaguely what he had done.
"I--" she finally said, assuming he was waiting for an answer. "I don't know." With that, the tears began to fall, and Victoria threw her thermos to the ground to hide her embarrassment. With each bounce it made across the floor, Artemis's heart clenched with guilt.
"Miss Bering--Victoria, I--"
"Forget it," she choked, then ran up the stairs to her room, smearing mascara across her face as she tried to wipe away the tears.